(Before you jump on to read the tips I want you to read my brief story below so that you do not repeat my mistakes.)
It was on an early April morning that I arrived in Japan. It was slightly cold but sunny.
On my arrival at the entrance of the University of Tokyo dormitory I met two young boys, one from Vietnam and another from India. Very kindly they introduced me to the dorm life and I finally checked in to my Japanese life.
Right on that day I received an email from my supervisor who informed me about a student of his who was to become my tutor at the university for the next year. I was overwhelmed and willingly followed the way to my campus.
(University of Tokyo, Komaba Campus)
Since I had plenty of time before my university life began it seemed the exact time to meet other Japanese students. It was then that I met my tutor whom I called Aya san. It turned out that she was to assist me with my bank and residence card work along with campus life. We had a few formal discussions for an hour about our research interests before we began with the document stuff.
One afternoon while sharing lunch together with her I confronted her that how Japanese people seemed to be not very open and everything felt so professional. With a big smile she stated that this did not seem to be true because Japanese culture was unique and that I would learn about it as I connect with more Japanese people. It was then that my discovery for Japanese friends began.
I can guess what you might be thinking at this point. Did I succeed in making Japanese friends?
Well, Its been more than three years that I have been living in Japan and I feel awkward to say that in my first year, I failed miserably at making Japanese friends.
Of course, I had several acquaintances who guided me in times of a problem or ate a meal with me together at the University’s cafeteria, but honestly I had no good Japanese friends and for the longest time I felt like a tourist who is wandering around without a purpose.
As I look back on that year now I realize why that exactly happened to me.
I was not well versed in the Japanese language. I could barely make a conversation. Most of my Japanese labmates couldn’t communicate in English. I was willing to learn the language but I had piles of books and papers to finish and also submit a progress report every few months to my supervisor.
Also, I was always surrounded by other foreign researchers. I was eating, drinking, traveling around with them most of my time.
(MEXT Scholars from all over the world.)
It took me complete two years when I was finally able to make some conversation in Japanese. Although, I still had no confidence to talk in Japanese with my labmates.
It took me a few years when I finally decided to join a Japanese language school to work on my fears. Within a few months I began making good conversations with Japanese people. I even started chatting with strangers at restaurants, cafes, streets anywhere and everywhere. This eventually led me to befriend so many Japanese people while also understanding Japan.
Since then I have made many good Japanese friends and have even invited a few to my house. My landlady and I share a great bond of attachment for over two years. Last year post my marriage she gifted me a beautiful gold ring and even invited me and my husband over for lunch. That was the highlight of my friendships with the Japanese people in the last three years.
More recently I am making friends with Japanese people at my office and other foreigners who don’t speak English but only Japanese. I have become confident enough to engage people in meaningful conversations now. There is still huge room for improvement and I am working on it.
However, If you do not speak Japanese and have no time to learn it then I would say you still have some chances. Here are some tips that would definitely work.
1) Many Japanese people secretly understand English and they are willing to chat if you pronounce the words slow and easy. It is their little secret and now you know it. :P
2) With no Japanese skills, you must attend social gatherings to create your own network. You can meet Japanese people in parties of your existing Gaijin friends. It is probably the safest way to make new friends.
3) Another quick tip is frequently visiting a lively known Izakaya. Many Japanese people visit these places regularly. If you love to make conversations over drinks then this might be the place that would work for you. I am sure you would meet some really awesome people here. In a special case, you might even end up finding your future partner here lol. That being said, do not fall for scams. Be smart with your actions and stay safe. This country is safe but humans can be unpredictable at times. If you know what I mean?
4) Lastly, engage with public communities. Even better join a sports club, learn Japanese art or any other skill you ever wanted to. It is a great way to befriend Japanese people of all age groups. Even if you are living in a rural area it is easier to make friends when one joins a community because many Japanese people are curious about foreigners. Just do not hesitate to initiate a conversation.
Always remember that just like any other culture Japanese culture has a way to go about things. Just like you and me, Japanese people are happy to make new friends and learn about the world outside of their own. So go get going and do not fret about anything.
I hope this post helps you in understanding more about the way to make good Japanese connections. If you have any queries feel free to mail me or send a message on my Facebook page.
